When you look up in the sky on a clear night, you’ll often see the moon perched above the skyline. It shines so bright that your eyes are naturally drawn to it. And it’s so easy to forget that we’ve been there. That a man has stepped foot on that distant rock. It’s easy to forget because it’s almost inconceivable. It’s all the way out there, in the dark midnight sky, and we’re here on this earth looking up at it. It seems so impossible, in fact, that fifty years later there are actually people who believe it was a hoax. I hope those people see First Man.

I left the theatre in a daze. I had this strange feeling of being totally within myself while also being hyper aware of my senses and surroundings. The air was the coldest it’s been since last winter, and as I stepped out into the night, an empty parking lot awaited me. Vast paved ground dully illuminated by fluorescent light. I walked out in silence and got into my car. I watched my breath fog up the windshield. I turned on the ignition and began to drive home, feeling the slightest vibrations in the road, feeling the car respond to my fingers as I steadied the steering wheel. The way home was dark, the streets empty. When I got to my house, I slowly guided my car into the garage. When I got out, I stood on my driveway for a while before going inside. I looked up to the sky. To the moon. I wanted to see it. But the moon wasn’t there. It was nowhere to be seen. Hidden beyond the horizon. But there were so many stars. Stars I wouldn’t have noticed at all if the moon hadn’t been absent.

First Man is the story of Neil Armstrong’s journey to the moon. But as with the actual Apollo space missions, it’s about so much more than just that. The film itself chooses a specific point of view: An up close and personal portrayal of the first man on the moon. For such a big, widely-recorded piece of history, watching Neil and his colleagues work towards the ultimate achievement in the history of mankind actually felt very intimate. There are incredibly intense action sequences that pull you out of your body and into the bodies of the characters as they experience some of the most incredible things a human body can go through. It’s difficult to watch sometimes.  And not just the flight scenes. Those, of course, are heart-pounding and visceral, and stay with you long after you leave the theater.

But the scenes at home with his family were sometimes just as difficult to watch. There’s this raw, unexplored emotional backdrop that sometimes seeps into the foreground. And in those moments, this is film can be absolutely heartbreaking. I’m not sure how faithful this was to real history, but you can sense that part of the reason Neil is so determined to explore the unknowns of space is because he’s unable to explore the depths of his own grief and personal struggles. It makes for compelling, dramatic, often very emotional stuff. And that combination of physical and emotional stress makes First Man feel so real. The way Mr. Chazelle presents this story to us is masterful. This is powerful storytelling. I had high expectations going into this film, and yet he still found a way to shock and delight me.

As I looked for the moon that night after watching this movie, standing neck-craned on my driveway, I thought about what an incredible achievement the moon mission was. A group of people made it their goal to reach beyond our planet, to explore something that humans had never thought possible. At first, it made me sad. Sad that I would never have that drive or opportunity. Sad that I would never achieve something like that. But when I couldn’t find the moon, my eyes found all those stars out there. The stars I usually don’t see because the moon steals all the attention. And that gave me hope. There’s so much more out there to reach for. There’s so much more to discover.

4.5 out of 5